What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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