Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
