I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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