i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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