You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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