you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
