im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
