Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
