I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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