can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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