i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
