i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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