On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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