Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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