South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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