The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
