i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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