i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
