I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
