the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
