My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
