Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize