Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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