I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
