He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
