she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
