Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
