Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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