Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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