Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
