You're my little dorito
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
