We won't sleep together?
I think my fart just growled at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
