I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drunk is not a location!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
