I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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