I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
