it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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