Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
