What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
