Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
