saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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