she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
