What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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