Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
