So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
