i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
