Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
