I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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