you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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