I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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