I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
