If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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