she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
