Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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