Tell her she can't have a vagina
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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