he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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