On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize