I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
