so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
