You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I understand Curling. That high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
