i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
