omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
