If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
These tits shall not be calmed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize