Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
