Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
