mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
