would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
