Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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