Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
