yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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