I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
