She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
