nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
