Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
