Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize